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Do you ever feel stuck?
Or, like you have pent-up feelings that you can’t quite name or put a finger on?
Journaling is one of the most transformative practices in my life. I use my journal to plan my day, create calendars, write goals and process my thoughts. I’m always amazed at how I can start a journal entry with no idea of what I’m going to say, other than knowing I need to get out what I’m feeling, then, by the time I put down my pen, discover a solution or realize a new truth. The result?
So, today I thought I’d share two of my most recent journal entries, completely unedited, to illustrate the thought process as it goes from stuck to personal revelation.
September 8, 2018
First, I can’t believe it’s September…feels surreal. And, I’m not quite ready to let go of Summer. My heart is slowly turning toward the idea of Fall, but it’s just so hard to let go of a season where I flourish, where I feel the most alive. The heat, the sun, reading books, seeing movies, vacations, everything feels vibrant..in motion, but not in a hurry. It’s all very go with the flow.
Maybe I finally feel like I have permission to be me, because the rest of society is on board. I feel welcomed, accepted, like I can spread my wings. So, how do I carry the heart and soul of Summer with me into Fall?
September 10, 2018
I’m feeling emotional, especially when I think of Hannah’s birthday and the changing season. I seem to need time to stand still. It’s like I think I need to catch up. With what, I’m not sure.
- House Projects?
- Daily Yoga?
I think that’s it! I take note each day of the things I didn’t get to, like writing, chores, yoga, cooking…and I feel behind, like there’s a tally for each thing I miss.
Miss out on! That’s what I feel like is happening…that I’m missing out on my life…my ideal life. And instead of seeing each day as a new day, a new chance, I see it as needing to catch up, like I have make-up work from the day before.
These two entries have a common theme, transition, which is an anxiety trigger for me. When I was still teaching, I’d experience overwhelming dread and sadness around July 4th, right about the time my summer was coming to an end. Now that I’m several years removed from the classroom, the panic sets in a little later. Like, right about now.
Last year, I challenged myself to find things I look forward to in the Fall and forced myself to enjoy it. This year, I’m letting myself feel what I need to feel. That’s really the only way we can grow and become more fully who we’re meant to be.
See you in class,